With the beauty of hindsight, August 2018 was a poetically perfect month.
It didn’t feel so at the time. In fact, it felt like the worst time of my life.
I was heart-shattered, felt abandoned and was terrified for my personal and professional future.
I’d left RECLAIM, the charity I’d founded and led as CEO since 2007. I hadn’t left well or left it in trusted hands. There was absolute turmoil and toxicity and I had to endure the slow-motion car crash of my battle to restore my reputation and accept for the first time in my life that not all fights are winnable. Some wars may feel just, may feel worth noble self-sacrifice and the associated collateral damage but in reality often they’re not. I just had to painfully realise I’d royally f**ked up. I’d taken my eye off the authentic, powerful ball that was the charity I’d founded, I’d funded, I’d fought for; now the opposition had all the possession and they’d run down the clock.
After wailing loudly for weeks, gaining loads of weight, moodily chopping off all my hair, penning dreadful overwrought poems and indulging in as many heartbreak cliches as I could muster (yes, I made a sorrowful playlist..) I decided that something had to change. And quickly.
I had to find new love, invest all this emotional energy in something emerging and important and learn from my mistakes of the past. To find some courage to again craft something beautiful that I believed in.
I registered Northern Soul Consultancy as a new company on August 22nd 2018.
I know Andy Burnham rightly has the whole ‘King of the North’ shtick sewn up but if there was another role that existed to agitate for the region, shout about its glories, encourage the next diverse brilliant generation of changemakers and then carefully help reframe the tired cliches that hold us back; I would beat down any door for the job.
Despite the rather grand title, Northern Soul Consultancy for a good while was just me.
Me, solo, speaking at conferences, delivering projects, daily tweeting about incompetent Northern Rail, working with incredible young people and standing on grand stages in London, bellowing about the gems of the north.
We watched our George Osborne-inspired Northern Powerhouse revealed for the placatory Tory nonsense it always was and then more recently Boris Johnson’s sincere avowal to help Level Things back up. I have no doubts that his pledge will soar alongside all his other heartfelt political endeavours – maybe we’ll even get a Peppa Pig World in Burnley.
What’s become clearer and clearer to us in the north (but I suspect also to those in the southwest or countless rural communities or now unloved seaside towns) is that we’re definitely not all in this together, we never were, never will be and this is no time to wait passively for those in Whitehall to notice (and care) that we’re drowning, not waving from behind the red wall.
Northern Soul Consultancy feels like vital and important work. Supporting others in our region to find their spark, to beat down imposter syndrome, to recognise they are enough and that now is the best time to start. For us to help connect them with money and networks and the support they’ll need, whilst being mindful of their mental well-being, and inevitable burnout and mitigating against unimaginable stress. Leading social justice organisations is incredibly brutal work. There are highs and there are small victories but the enormity of achieving change and probably not within your own lifetime, is a tough professional pill to choose.
This time round I’m determined to do a few things better:
– No solo heroics – I now work alongside a brilliant team of four other women, Anne-Marie, Sal, Indie and Adebukola, at different times we all take the lead and most importantly, we love and look after each other.
– People’s values are everything. No shortcuts ever again, no matter how rich, shiny or successful someone seems, who they are aside from their CV is everything
– The North urgently needs investment, support and new diverse committed champions – we can and will find them
– Self Belief is not arrogance – Our work is good and we’ve started saying it proudly
– Find your tribe – the folk from a range of cultures, backgrounds, and professions who will open doors, challenge when necessary, have your back and believe in you. They will make a difference.
Northern Soul N
ow:
Northern Soul is a passionate voice for the North, pushing for greater recognition of the talents that exist outside London. We’re an organisation proud to be based in Manchester and we’re made up of a small, values-led team from across the UK. Northern Soul amplifies and champions the people of the North and seeks to nurture those who are passionate about social change and who want to redress the imbalances that have held back the region for too long.
So August 2018 proved to be pretty transformative.
Once I’d stopped wailing, put down the Voodoo doll of my key tormentor, stepped away from the daily Multipack of Twirls and managed to re-fashion my melodramatic home hairstyle, I remembered that I was still me. They couldn’t take that. They definitely could never crush that. I was still a restless Nigerian Northern Soul with big things to achieve and bad folk to forget.
Also in August 2018, a noisy spirited beautiful baby girl was born into really difficult circumstances which meant she’d need to find a mum to love her forever. At the exact point I’d realised I needed to turn my life around and focus on self, space and soul, there lay many miles away in an incubator, my future daughter.
It took another 8 months for us to find each other but August 2018 marks five years for Northern Soul and five years for my beloved bonkers little Yorkshire warrior.
Happiest of Birthdays to both x
